Am I Dreaming

        June 2, 2023, right around final season, when I felt the most beaten but I couldn't give up, my new obsession was released. It felt like I was dreaming, like the final grades were surreal. Yet somehow I couldn’t find it in myself to just walk away, to lose everything. Though things might have been bad, I wasn’t afraid. I could look failure right in its face, and my obsession drove me. 

“I can’t fail nor fall” 

This was all I could think as I redid math problems, spending just about 2 days locked away in the back corner of Panera. If I got that grade, would it bring my life back? Would it bring the light back? Fighting like the boogeyman coming’ when all it did was fill up my consciousness. It was too late though. I had hit play, I couldn’t pause. I was in too deep.

I mean I tend to feel better after my math finals, usually. Visions of me winning began to flood my head, I knew the day was comin. I don’t always like what I have to do, but I knew I had to be the one to do it. I’d given up too much to stop now.

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